Imagine your partner comes home and tells you they are furious because they found out they need to work over the holiday weekend. Many of us would feel protective of our spouse, or upset at the situation, and have the natural urge to try to help or fix the situation.You might offer advice on how to solve the problem.It's a way of showing you understand and accept their thoughts and feelings just as they are.Research has shown that having these types of interactions with your partner helps your partner feel less upset and less vulnerable, whereas invalidating behaviors do the opposite; they make your partner feel criticized, dismissed, or contempt from you.
While it intuitively feels helpful to give suggestions, this can feel invalidating to your partner.
Your partner may not be looking for help with a solution -- they probably have already tried to find ways to solve the problem, and might feel even more frustrated in hearing advice, no matter how good your intention. Mindful listening is the first component of validation.
Think back to a time when you remember feeling really understood.
), they aren't necessarily the strongest ways to connect with your loved one.
Relationships that are the most successful are those where both partners share their inner world with one another -- their real thoughts, feelings and desires -- and where their partner, in turn, is able to really hear them.
When you share a validating style of interacting together, you build trust and intimacy. While the concept of validation may seem simple, it can sometimes be a little tricky to execute.